Life Blog

Picking up where I left off

Okay, lots of things happened since Feb 14th, which is the last time I wrote. I was on the brink of finishing Jumple, and I just couldn't do it... Something just didnt feel right even though everything was there. Then a couple of things happened, I got interview with Gori company, and I got offered to apply for a UI designer position for KT, and the headhunter actually asked to have coffee with me. Oh, also my initial paper about speculative design and generative AI got rejected. Two reviewer said it was okay, then one reviewer abosolutely trashed it. And that was so hard to recover from. And these little events, even though they are not supposed to be a big deal, ends up taking so much energy from me. I know I have to not let that do that, but it did. But in retrospect, maybe it was the right thing for me, because in the end, after I just got exhausted and finally let my mind wander somewhere else for a while, I realized what I have to do. In the middle of it, though I was so stressed out I guess, on Tuesday when I met the headhunter, although it was a perfectly good interaction, but I started on a negative spiral again, until it just clicked on me, like no more of this unnecessary worrying!! I mean yeah, there is just no need. So, I decided that I will celebrate everything that comes in my life, and I don't have to decide wether it is a company designer job, or stay at home mom, or being a professor, I will just keep doing whatever to celebrate the living state, and you know just that I am, I exist in this world, and I don't care any more. But even still I couldnt get myself to pick anything up again until yesterday, and I was talking to ChatGPT again, and I suddenly was able to talk about my paper again, and I just got it! Why my paper just read amateur, or like overthinking without no clarity. ChatGPT really helps, and just having a clear outline helps. I think because I have this tendency to overthink on like weird points and struggle to see the big picture, I really REALly need to have a seperate outline, and only when that outline feels really clear, I should start on my paper... Sometimes I just get caught up on getting things done, I just jump into it while not fully having in my mind what I am going to write about. I mean I think I do, but I really didn't. Anyway, those are the things that has happened, trying to document this journey to self actualization. Also, still working with the doctor to get pregnant again. It should be easy this time.

So I feel like my work is cut out more clearly than before. Also always work with a draft. Make a draft, a skeleton structure of what I want to do, so I don't get overwhelmed by the sense of the moment.

Yeah, so just one thing at a time, don't worry about getting it done quickly, just focus on spending 4 hours of focused time on each project.